back in the day when I was a little bastard
years before my friend Lou and I started mastur-

-bating we’d be waiting for the snow to fall
with our hands we’d make a man rolling a small snow ball

then we’d roll it up, roll it up, until it was big
and on the sides of the snowman we would stick two twigs

on his chest charcoal would be used as buttons
on his face we’d paint charcoal dusty mutton

chops, would have been tops to have a top hat for his head
but we had to use a Jolt cola can instead

and pour a little Jolt out for my dead snowmies
that's snowmen plus homies if you didn't know, peas

and carrots in a can, only veg we had
fresh produce abstract thoughts to mom and dad

so we couldn't use a carrot to complete his face
had to use a strawberry twizzler in its place

let’s build a snowman
do you wanna build a snowman?
snowman

with our snowman complete, we were headed back
when all of a sudden the sky went black

and we were frozen in time, as if someone hit pause
on a VCR tape recording of The Cos-

by show, but this was no Huxtable scenario
and there was no Lisa Bonet or Theo

around, just the sound of the sublime snowfall
just my friend Lou and I and that giant snowball

suddenly from the sky fell a magical mist,
then the snowman come to life and he looked pissed

he said, “thanks for the lame ass hat
and the nose you chose makes my frozen face look fat

I demand a carrot and a more presentable lid
and some mittens for my twigs you inconsiderate kids

you boys better build me a snowbitch by the way
by the end of the day or you prepubescent pricks pay!”


let’s build a snowman
do you wanna build a snowman?
snowman

we ran to Lou’s house to ask his dad
for a carrot but a can of creamed corn was all he had

but he gave us a buck to go to Gregory’s mart
plus a Stetson hat and work gloves that smelled like a fart

bought the carrot for the cocksucking entitled twit
whom upon our return continued giving us shit

he said, “this hat makes me look like an inbred yitz
I wanted Freezy Freakies not Caldor mits!

I suggest you get started on my snowbitch, quick
but first find me an icicle to use as a dick!”

we begrudgingly began building his request
he naturally was not satisfied with the size of her breasts

added snow until they became disproportionate mounds
top heavy tits sent her crashing to the ground

it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so what did we do?
took a snowblower and blew his ass to Timbuktu

let’s build a snowman
do you wanna build a snowman?
snowman