My girlfriend Jude left me without a dollar to my name
She left me without anything except disappointment and pain
As I walk down the street contemplating my pathetic existence
a lottery ticket blew in my direction from a distance

and I watched in awe as the ticket fell right before my feet
picked up the ticket and continued my lonely stroll down the street
walked into a nearby bar and a lady on the tv screen
was calling out the number printed on my ticket, then I screamed

Holy Shit! I won the fucking Lottery!

the bartender handed me a stiff drink to calm me down
holding my ticket tight ordered every one at the bar a round
around this time I started spacing out, the drunks looked at me funny
as I began fantasizing about how I’ll spend the money

Thought of things I can afford now that I am no longer poor
such as actual name-brand items at the high end health food store
I can pay off my credit card, my car, and crippling student loan
live in a castle with a throne and an alpaca of my own

Holy Shit! I won the fucking Lottery!

then I suddenly began feeling absolutely guilty
thinking about starving children living in total poverty
thinking about the war torn homes of the world’s poorest familes
thinking about people living on the streets dying of disease

as I expressed my guilt to anyone who’d listen at the bar
on the tv was a commercial for a chic luxury car
which reminded me my ticket and my miraculous win
I paid the tab, and left the bar, and rushed to cash that fucker in

Holy Shit! I won the fucking Lottery!