My girlfriend Jude said “dude, I can’t take it anymore
can’t spend another gorgeous day indoors, let’s go to the shore.
so bring your bathers, bag of bagels, and a beach ball, too
for me and you are headed to the beautiful briny blue

We packed up the car and headed far to the seaside
a gorgeous day to catch some rays beside the ocean tide
lathered sun screen, explored marine life and was feelin’ alright
but by the dock, we stood in shock from such a disturbing sight

We had no clue the beach we went to was clothing optional
some weirdo with a wiener like a frozen popsickle
came up to Jude and said “you’d better shed all your layers”
I said, “the only way you’re getting Jude nude is if you pay her.”

as he was reaching in his fanny pack for a buck to pay
up walked some fruit wearing the suit he got on his birthday
he said “without a doubt you both stand out much like two sore thumbs
and I guarantee you’ll feel more free once you bare your bums.”

We had to clue we were going to a nude beach
saw a dude’s pubes and huge droopy boobies
the whole crew knew we were two prude noobies
We had no clue we were going to a nude beach

I said “I am sorry, sir, but we prefer wearing our pride
and our dignity, for I can see, should not be denied
we have a lot of shame, we shall remain completely concealed
we’re not misfits so our naughty bits will not be revealed

we have self respect so we reject your nudist lifestyle
your love of nudity, to jude and me, is vulgar and vile
you hippie pervs get on our nerves flaunting your plump naked rumps
we’re completely sketched, before we wretch we’re leaving this dump”

The fruit looked at me so full of glee after my lament
I was a bit bemused and quite confused by his amusement
as I looked to my dear it became clear what fruit found absurd
my lovely Jude, no longer prude, stark naked as a jaybird

I said “Hon’, what have you done? I am stunned and speechless
I’m so embarrassed you undressed and exposed your bare breasts
Jude said “ I felt at home so when in Rome do what Romans do”
I said, “if Romans were roamin’ off a cliff would you roam too?”

We had to clue we were going to a nude beach
saw a dude’s pubes and huge droopy boobies
the whole crew knew we were two prude noobies
We had no clue we were going to a nude beach

some freak who used to streak in 1976
told us he loves the beach for all the peachy bottomed hot chicks
said “are you blind, cause I can’t find a broad under 58
only hairy beasts ready to feast with their apelike dates

only moocows with uni-brows, monstrous misshapen mutants
whose BO releases Ozone depleting poluntants
bulbous breasts I wouldn’t touch ‘less I had on rubber gloves
unique races born with faces only mothers can love

Jude said “I’ve had enough, you think you’re tough but you’re just uptight
I won’t let you offend my brand new friends, this calls for a fight
there’s nothing wrong with naked dongs flapping around in the breeze
there’s nothing fina than exposed vagina by the palm trees

therefore I’m leaving you, I’ll rendezvous with my new friend “freak”
his name is Harry and we’ll marry later on in the week
you had your chance to drop your pants and let your balls breath the air
instead you chose to keep your clothes on like a self righteous square

We had to clue we were going to a nude beach
saw a dude’s pubes and huge droopy boobies
the whole crew knew we were two prude noobies
We had no clue we were going to a nude beach